What a week...

Yeah, the new job started.



Yeah.

I was completely intimidated by everything. The job itself, the new surroundings, the boss, EVERYTHING. I mean, I know things were kind of rocky when I started my last job...but they were nothing like this.

I'm still in a slight state of shock, but at least I don't feel as bad as I did mid-week, where I felt about as unsure of myself as I ever have, almost to the point of running away from it all and giving up completely. Seriously so. The cell phone was in my pocket, and I thought about phoning my old job and asking for my job back.

I guess I had a panic attack or something.

Now, I mainly just feel bad about, well, feeling bad. I also wonder if its going to surface again at any time. I've rarely, if ever been this emotional, and it does trouble me. My nature is to second guess just about everything I do, and well, thats exactly what I'm doing. Was this even the right decision? I really wanted a more art-based job, but for whatever reason, I just haven't been able to get one. I've been close, yes, but not quite. Why?

Is that even what I want to do?

After Thursday and Friday I did feel better, probably because they let me try some of the normal processes, and even had me write up a couple of orders. The orders have * a lot* of steps though. Everything has a lot of steps. Of course, the reason for that I guess is the more they put into it, the more they get out of it, or something, I don't know. But it just seems so damn easy to overlook something to me. Plus, they still hand-write everything, save for a few logs they keep in excel. Oh yeah, my handwriting sucks, and I only have a passing knowledge of excel (which itself kind of sucks, as do most Microsoft products...). I guess they are supposed to be implimenting some kind computerized invoicing/tracking system soon, but until then, I guess I have to find ways to deal with it. For now, I'll try to keep things in perspective, and I'll try to take things as they come. I know I will get better, but how much better?

Unemployed...at least for a weekend.

I'm literally right now "in between jobs", and I'm not just saying it. I walked out the door of the old print shop at 5 this evening, and will walk in the door of a new company at 8 am Monday. It was a pretty hectic last week, not just with the normal workload, but trying desperately to tie up dozens of loose ends...regular contacts that I had to inform that I was leaving, jobs that I tried to complete, or at least get to a point where in my involvement was no longer needed, and of course, trying to teach those that remain the total extent of everything i know so that no major issues come up when I'm no longer there. In short -- it was a hectic week. One of the hardest I've had there.

Dare I say though, I was getting comfortable. I knew the job, and I knew what many of the regular customers wanted. Some were even sad to see me go.

In a way, even though much of the time I couldn't stand to be there, I'm a bit sad to see me go. After all, for all the grief I had, they did give me a shot when literally no one else would. I told them I was very appreciative of the opportunity, they gave me, and I tried to make the most of it. At the end at least, they did seem pretty appreciative of me...especially since the old production manager left, it was up to me to handle many of the issues that she had to deal with.

I had a nice talk with the owner's wife at lunch time, and tried to push my personal feelings aside when asked the question "was there anything we could have done to keep you". That could have been a very dangerous question had I not treaded lightly. I did at least reveal some of my true feelings about how I felt about their customer base. I tried not to be as insulting as possible, but I did tell them that with my training and my degree, that I felt at this point I shouldn't be wasting my time with small-time customers; that I expected more from myself and that I wanted to achieve more than what their company had to offer.

They gave me a nice going away card and a lunch, as well as a check for the remaining hours I had on my time card (plus the couple days vacation time I had left...).

Suffice to say, I believe left with class, grace, and dignity. Exactly what I wanted. And to their credit, at least on the way out, they gave me the same.

And now its on to a new challenge. And it *will* be a challenge. For all I know, I've made a horrible decision. But its my decision, and mine alone, and I will reap whatever rewards or face whatever consequences it has to offer. Although I'm sure I'll do my fair share of bitching and moaning along the way.

And after I've conquered that challenge, its on to the next one. The dreaded 3-0 is less than two years away from me now.

Phase II of my career is about to start.

I'm already beginning to hatch the seeds of what will become Phase III...

One week to go

I knew it would come, but honestly I didn't think it would happen so quickly...yeah, my final week ever at the print shop. Yeah, I have a few fond memories, but mostly of my coworkers there, and not of the customers or the management.

I did thank my boss though for giving me an opportunity, and I wished him the best. My biggest fear last Monday would be that would take my leaving incredibly hard, but just the opposite -- he handled it with a fair amount of grace, so I did the same. It looks like at least with my leaving, the best case scenario is working out; I'm leaving on a positive note, and hopefully with a good reference. Of course, I'm sure it doesn't hurt that I helped bring in a job worth a few thousand bucks last week too. But I did learn *a lot*, and however bad the experience was, experience itself is invaluable. Plus, yeah I did get to learn at least some about graphics for print.

And of course, at the same time, I'm very nervous about the new place. They seem very excited to have me come aboard. I just hope I won't fold under the expectations or the pressure of being in the "big time" so to speak. Okay, so they aren't like the biggest print company in the world, but they do have lofty expectations and high quality clients. The attitude of this company -- "the sky's the limit"...

Yesterday I drove down to where the shop is located just to make sure I could find it easily. The commute, while it will take a while, is very straightforward. Most of it tracks over my old commute to college, so I'm already very familiar with the route. The place is located literally 3 minutes from the freeway too, which makes it very easy for me.

Hopefully in 3 or 4 months, I can finally move out too. I'm already looking at apartments and rooms for rent. Damn, its expensive to live in the Bay Area. Granted I am getting a pretty substantial discount from my parents considering the market, but wherever I go, my rent will probably double. I think I can handle it. I hope.

I finally got my new stereo amp this week too. The weather set back the delivery schedule a few days. I'm very pleased with it! The sound is much more punchy than my old amp, plus the volume control and the remote actually work, something that was lacking on my old amp. For only a 2-channel amp, it has quite a few inputs too, in case I ever expand my system even further. But the main reason I got the system was that it had an input plus a ground for my record player, and my vinyl has never sounded better. I got an excellent bargain on it too. Hopefully this will last me a few years. I picked up a powered radio antenna for it yesterday, and a few other odds and ends.

But the eternal question still stands -- what do I want to do? I already know what I didn't want to do, and that was work at that print shop for much longer. I know I want to do something *more* with photography, but I'm still unsure as to what. Eventually I'd like to travel around and create some kind of photojournal of my travels and experiences. The only problem is, what exactly could I do to differentiate myself from everyone else? What exactly is my voice? What is my story to tell (or is there even a story to tell? I mean, is "On the Road" really about anything?).

These are questions that are going to take time to answer, of course. Until then, its on to another phase of my life. The Real World, Scene 1, Act 2.

2008 -- A New Job

After a few failed attempts, I've finally scored a new job. In two weeks, the current job at the print shop will be history. I interviewed with the owner of this new place and his wife over breakfast yesterday, and by 2:00 pm, they were offering me the position. Those of you that have been reading this blog over the past year and a half know what a struggle its been for me. At the same time I'm relieved that it will be over, I also realize it will be difficult to say goodbye, because regardless of how I feel about them, I have become a pretty valuable part of their business.

In the new job, I'll roughly be working in the same capacity, although really in many ways it will be the polar opposite of what I'm used to. It will be an incredibly learning curve, I imagine much like what happened a year and a half ago when I started my current job. But I think....well...I hope I'm up to the task. I'll be working with printing labels exclusively, and dealing with high-end clients. No, I won't be doing graphics, I'll still be a CSR...so yeah, I still don't know if this will be 100% compatible with my ultimate life goals, but it will be a huge step up in my career.

It will mean more money, and yes if it works out, I'll be able to move out. The biggest downside will be the commute...it will be pretty similar to what I had to go through to get to college, although I won't have the luxury of traveling during off hours. But I can do it.

Ultimately though, what do I want? I still haven't figured that out. Maybe I never will. I will continue to pursue photography though. I need to really discover what I'm best at there, and find a way to put those skills to their best use. Much more easily said than done...

2008 is here.

I wonder what this year will bring? 2007 was...well it was memorable, and at times enjoyable, but much like the Star Trek movie franchise, it also kind of proved that the odd-numbered years don't always work out well for me.

But that does mean that 2008, being an even-numbered year, will.

I closed out '07 with whirlwind of fun though.

Friday afternoon -- drove my grandma back up to her place in Clear Lake in a storm. Nerve wracking driving at times, but spending time with her is cool.

Saturday -- drove back from Clear Lake, and saw Camper Van Beethoven and Cracker in Petaluma. FANTASTIC! One of the best days I'd had in a while. I ate dinner at a restaurant downtown, and not only was the food delicious, and the service great, but I got to meet another fellow CVB fan and talk to him for a few hours over dinner. I got a photo with Cracker guitarist Johnny Hickman, got many more photos of the band in action, and afterwards they signed a poster I had bought at the merch table during intermission. I can't say enough positives about these guys, and not just for the music -- they are all stand up individuals, and they act very graciously towards their fans. They are also hilarious smart-asses, which counts for a lot in my book, heh.

The drive back home later that night was positively nerve-wracking though. There were patches of thick fog all over the area. I did 40-45 on the highways, and probably could have driven slower. Winter can be a pain in the ass around here sometimes.

Sunday -- spent the day with my friend James, his wife and his brother in law. We saw the movie "Sweeny Todd", a delicious victorian-era story about a vengeful, murderous barber. Great fun! We all ate a late lunch/early dinner at "The Elephant Bar", and it was *dreadful*. Like, "never going to go back again" dreadful. I had Fish and Chips, and the fish was incredibly dry. James' wife's meal came 15 minutes after everyone elses, and her garlic bread on the side wasn't fully cooked. Her brother's lamb was underdone. I mean, I'm not one to complain about meal (hell if its in front of me I'll usually eat it all up), but...gah.

Monday -- had a day off, and it ended up being a bit more hectic than I thought. My mom had to run a few errands, and with her hand surgery, I had to take her out. That ended up sucking up a good portion of the day. Later that night I went to a New Years Party at my brother's, and I got totally wasted. I mean, fall down sloppy make an ass of myself drunk. Ah binge drinking, thy name is Jim Beam. At least I didn't pass out, or have a hangover.

Tuesday -- Went out to breakfast again with James, the wife, and her brother. Unlike the last time we went out, this place as delicious. A local joint called "Peg's Western Grill". I had a decadent serving of Chicken Fried Steak, Eggs, and Biscuits and Gravy. Damn, it was *good*. After that, I finally found my way home to take a nap.

Lets see...what else...

Oh, I finally joined in the 21st century and picked up an iPod. The thing is amazing! Hours of music on something that fits in your pocket. I had to pick up different headphones for it though, because those earbud headphones just would not fit. I already want to pick up a host of accessories for it now...

Also, I bought a new stereo amp online to replace the one I have which is...broken. Well, technically it still works, but the volume knob has the nasty habit of hardly working at all. So unless you want to listen to music at the same volume all the time, its pretty much useless. Oh well, another piece of electronic crap for the landfills of the world. A shame that we live in such a disposable society, and perhaps a greater shame that I'm such a willing participant. I guess that also makes me a hypocrite because I realize that its wrong.

Or not.

Anyway it will most likely be here on Friday. I got an Onkyo 2-channel amp...I know 5.1 is all the rage, but for one, I don't need anything that elaborate, and also, it had the standard input for a record player with a proper ground, a feature that most amplifiers lack these days. After the amp comes, I also want to get a 5-disc DVD Changer. Maybe this weekend, but I don't know. I know I still have a gift card to spend at Borders.

But yeah, 2008 here, it finally is. I'm dreading going in to work tomorrow -- mainly because there won't be much work to do. Not that I want an overloaded plate of work, but the owner just gets so bent out of shape when things slow down a bit. Of course, since he owns the business, its an entirely understandable position; however I would think by now, being in business as long as he has, he would understand the natural business cycles of his company, and from what I understand, that cycle hasn't deviated one bit.