Friday: Survival Mode

This is my "nickname" for Fridays at the print shop. Survival Mode. As in: lets focus as much as possible on all the shit thats been bestowed upon us this week, and hope to hell nothing comes back to bite us in the ass. It was double survival mode today though, as it was the end of the month, and of course the owner is pushing like gangbusters to get as many jobs done so he can pad his sales numbers. Survival mode locked and loaded. Fire up the copy machines and the printing presses and lets start cranking shit out. And on top of that, write up as many new orders as possible so that the next month gets off on a good food. Oh and change the billing dates on these jobs so it counts for this month. Etc, etc, etc, etc....

Oh well, at least now I'm at home, with a nice hot plate of chinese food, and a Yes dvd. Ahhhh...Yes...

I see the light at the end of the tunnel...

...Someone please tell me it's not a train.

Yep, they've done it at work -- they've finally hired someone else to work up front with me. And better yet, this guy is experienced in the field of printing, so hopefully the learning curve won't be terribly steep. He must have been outstanding, because they literally hired him on the spot, and he starts tomorrow.

Now I think I can really start planning my escape, although, the prospect of making it at least one calender year, now that help is on the way, is looking more and more feasible.

I went to a fantastic concert last night. The band was this avant-garde metal group called "Sleepytime Gorilla Museum". Now I'm not a huge fan of metal overall, but these guys are different. They can shred with the best of them, but theres a lot of balance between the light and dark, and they have just as many soft, intricate sections as they do metallic ones. Oh yeah, plus they wear dresses and makeup on stage, which always helps. And play homemade insturments. I spent most of the show wedged up against the subwoofer at the front of the stage, which meant I had a fantastic view, but a *loud* experience. Not that I didn't like it or anything either. The band that opened was called "Secret Chiefs 3", which is led by former Mr Bungle guitarist Trey Spurance, and could best be described as "middle eastern surf music", although they are far more than that, that seems to be the core of their sound.

I went with a guy I know off my music board, Progressive Ears, which made for a great night (especially considering that he drove, and paid for the tickets...thanks Eric!!!). We might even go see another show next month if his schedule allows.

So yeah, things aren't looking so bleak right now. My work situation might improve, I just saw a killer concert, and I might see another in one month's time.

Plunging head first into the 21st century.

Yep, I finally did it.

I gots me a cell - u - lar Phone!

I've held out on getting one for ages now. I couldn't really justify it either, because after all, who would call me?

Granted, thats no less true now than it has been in the past. But I see it as one further step towards complete and utter independance. Plus, I wanted a number I could be contacted at while I'm at work that *wasn't* the number of the place I work at. Specifically, if I'm going to restart the job search again soon, I'll need to be able to contact employers during the day.

The phone I got is made by Verizon, which an advantage for me because my parents have the same plan, so I can call them for free. Basically, what I got is a cross between a "pay as you go" scheme and a flat monthly pay scheme. I pay $50 a month for X amount of minutes (I can't remember off hand what the exact number is), but if I use all the minutes, I'd have to buy more. The upside is, that unlike a straight prepaid phone, I don't have to constantly scramble for minutes or really worry about when I'm going to run out. Also, while I pay monthly, I'm not locked into a contract, so I can stop at really any time. The downside is, it isn't the most affordable plan out there.

But I'm happy with what I have, at least so far.

Also yesterday, I picked up a few new shirts.

Last week at work was a bit of a relief in a way, because the owner was out of town, so basically we turned the entire time he was gone into one long bitch session. But things went fairly smoothly. There was one guy who was a real asshole on Thursday, but really that couldn't have been helped.

Honestly though I'm a bit nervous as to what Monday morning is going to be like. I personally think we did a damn good job of cranking stuff through, but I know he's going to find something to nitpick over. Gah. I need a new job. But I'm not going to quit just yet, I will at least be decent and wait until they find a new person to work up front and be somewhat trained. But I should at least be getting more money or something, because this job isn't worth the stress at the pay I'm getting. Oh yeah and the benefits I was promised, I still don't have anything yet. Oh well.

Panda Express = Legalized Crack

Well, at least their orange chicken is. Goddamn, that stuff is good. Their chow mein is good too, albeit incredibly greasy (which is why it's nice to get the steamed veggies on the side).

Another week in the books. Shit still hasn't changed at work, unfortunately. The owner and his wife are going to be at a conference the latter half of this week, so that has the potential to either be really good, or really bad. Really good because we can all kind of cut loose a bit without him there, but really bad because we'll be minus an important part of the workforce there (and I'll be the only one there to reasonably come up with quotes too...holy shit!!).

I didn't do anything terribly special today. This morning I went out and got some new floor mats for my T-bird (the old ones were *trashed*), as well as some upolstry cleaner, as the seats had a few really icky stains on them. After that, I had to drive out to my younger brother's group home to deliver something to him. In spite of the fact that traffic in that part of the county is just *shit* (most everything out there is still 2-lane roads, even though its one of the fastest growing regions of the state), the drive was quite nice. I had both windows down and the stereo blasting; not a bad way to spend an early afternoon.

After that I went to (oh horror!) the mall. I hadn't been in a while, and just mainly wanted to kill some time and see if I could find anything fun. I did -- a "Tool" (the band, of course) t-shirt for $10. Not too bad. I also ate lunch at a place called "Fresh Choice", which is sort of this salad bar type restaurant. I've always liked that place, not just because the food is pretty good, its buffet-style, or the prices are decent, but its a nice change of pace overall. I *tried* to go to Jamba Juice after that, but the place was packed to the gills, so I just came home and here I am. Oh yeah, had Panda Express again for dinner. Their food at least beats a lot of lower end mom-and-pop chinese places around here (you know, the ones that pour on the MSG on every dish).

Don't know if I mentioned this last week, but I picked up two canvases, some oil painting medium, and some turpenoid, in a possible effort to try and paint something. Well I still haven't started yet, as I still don't have a clue as to what to paint. I can't really do anything photo-realistic, but I could do something wildly abstract. The problem of course with abstract painting is making it look good without making it look like total bullshit. Although I'm not one of those people who thinks abstract art as a concept is bullshit, like a lot of stuff in general, theres good art, then...theres not. Of course it's nearly impossible for me to define good or bad. Crap, maybe I shouldn't have even brought it up. Scratch that! Anyway, I may just use one of my recent photographs as a reference or point of inspiration or something like that too. Subject matter still eludes me though!

Ahhh, Saturday night. Really the best night of the week. I can do whatever the fuck I want because I have all day tomorrow to recover. Right now I've got a Yes DVD blasting. Damn, they look old, but they can still *play*.

Lastly, I asked my production manager to use her as a job reference, which she happily agreed to. I've compiled a new version of my resume. Now to actually find someone compatible that I could apply to. Although, leaving the print shop now would royally fuck them over, what with them having only me to take in orders and such. The only place I felt good about royally fucking over was the waterpark, and even then, well I didn't feel all that good! I think bucking the fuck up, at least while I'm at the office, is the best course of action. Expect this place to continue to be my regular bitch session/OMG the world is OVER...uhh...place. That sentence didn't turn out well.

In black in white, life is so easy...

On Friday, just as work was ending, after everyone had gone home except for me and the production manager, I uttered a rather disturbing thing to her:

I wish they would fire me, because I'm too chickenshit to quit right now.

But thats exactly how I feel.

I really don't know what to do, except stick it out as long as I can, work hard, and hope things eventually work out. This job is turning out to be a real shambles.

I'm pondering going to the March 17th war protests in San Francisco in two weeks. Mainly, because I want to document what will happen.

Again, I'm too chickenshit to really to go.

I had a disturbing dream on Friday night. The basic premise was that my younger brother (the one with autism) was near death, and as a family we had to make the decision to "pull the plug" on him, as it were. And you know, his school is right across the street from where I work.

I'm too chickenshit to do that too.

I was supposed to spend today with a friend of mine, and I was really looking forward to it. But he backed out.

I was too chickenshit to tell him how genuinely pissed I was about it.

Is this what my life is now? A series of confrontations that I can't handle?

I need to get creative. Do something unusual and exciting. Break out of the box. And other stirring cliches.